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Time to kill... [12 Dec 2007|10:46am]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | the cruxshadows... marilyn my bitterness ]

My Journal Year in Review

meme: take the first sentence of the first entry for each month in 2007 (ignoring quiz-results and other memes and whatnot...).

January: Diffusion has lead my heart to pulse in the erratic manner I find your feelings shifting in.
February: i have always been a questionable part of the current equation of your life.
March: I only really write here when something's going wrong.
April: who was i before i came across you?
May: what good has anyone been lately?
June: i miss you... i guess that i should...
July: it seems like it's been forever since i've slept...
August: "through the earth you can watch me dissapear..."
September: why does my stomach still turn in ways to tell me you're missing out on something?
October: i have been feeling a bit more stagnant as the days pass.
November: Voyage of a lifetime delayed the wounds within.
December: and sometimes it is true what they say about the way we heal.

pull the trigger

i never use cuts... [19 Nov 2007|08:21pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | the used... on my own ]

Take your answer to each question and type it into an image search engine. Post one of the images from the first page of results.

1) the age you will be on your next birthday:



2) a place to which you would like to travel:



3) your favorite place:



4) your favorite object:



5) your favorite food:



6) your favorite animal:



7) your favorite color:



8) the town in which you were born:



9) the town in which you live:



10) the name of a past pet:




11) the first name of a past love:



12) your best friend's nickname:



13) your nickname/screenname:




14) your first name:



15) your middle name:



16) your last name:



17) a bad habit of yours:



18) your first job:



19) your grandmother's name:



20) your major in college:

1 stopped the nightmare| pull the trigger

Lost and Found [07 Nov 2007|01:24am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Voyage of a lifetime
delayed the wounds within.
Struggles for madness
leave them disrupted over time.
Don’t cry; hide the evidence
of injury named silent acceptance.
We are off until January.
Only reach back when remembering
the penalty eliminated
the occasional moonlight
that begins today.



(pieced together from clippings in the the Detroit free press)

1 stopped the nightmare| pull the trigger

never do those cut things.. sorry! [16 Sep 2007|10:03am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Comment on this post. I will choose six interests from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are interested in them.

aimless car rides
every now and again (but more so during the summer) i just need to get out to nowhere in particular. most often i just end up driving around until i feel like it's time to come home. i never find anywhere to go, but just driving without a goal is something i enjoy, especially at night

hand written letters
i haven't receieved any actual letters in the mail for years. everyone always sends e-mail. i find hand written letters more sincere and memorable. it somewhat proves that even when someone is away from the computer they think of you for long enough to send you something through the mail. it takes a little more effort. people don't do that much anymore.

kissing in the snow
this is from a song by Alkaline Trio called Every Thug Needs a Lady. "you know it starts here, outside waiting in the cold. kiss me once in the snow, i swear it never gets old, but i will promise you i can make it warmer next year..." it's one of my favorite songs by them. it's everywhere i wish i was.

one moment of perfection
derived from the novel Fight Club towards the end of the explanation of how he met tyler... " what tyler had created was the shadow of a giant hand. only now the fingers were Nosferatu-long and the thumb was too short, but he said how at exactly four-thirty the hand was perfect. the giant shadow hand was perfect for one minute, and for one perfect minute tyler had sat in the palm of perfection he's created himself... one minute was enough, tyler said, a person had to work hard for it, but a minute of perfection was worth the effort. a moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection."

under the stars
every once in a blue moon i make it out camping, or to some middle of nowhere town where, at night, you can really see the stars. sometimes i forget just what it looks like, just how many of them are expanding away from us. near the city with every street having too many lights you barely notice, but in the middle of nowhere the sky is endless and all the stars are watching you. there's no escaping them.

waking up beside you
i find it much easier to wake up in the morning if there's someone there with me. my bed feels so much colder and lonely with only me in it...

walks in the rain
this is mostly a nostalgia thing. i very much enjoy getting stuck in the rain during the summer. it's a bit funny to see people running through the rain; i sometimes get the idea that they have some silly notion in their head that the rain is actually going to do some damage to them the longer they are out in it. i don't mind the rain or getting wet form it. i also don't mind if i have good company willing to walk through it with me. no umbrellas needed.

10 stopped the nightmare| pull the trigger

[07 Sep 2007|06:46am]
[ mood | cranky ]

i've been getting up tooo early... arrrrgg!! i need sleep!

pull the trigger

fack [22 Aug 2007|01:20am]
[ mood | angry ]

my basement flooded and i lost all my notescards and notebooks that i've been writing on all summer. damn it. i lose.

grumble grumble.

1 stopped the nightmare| pull the trigger

[17 Aug 2007|02:22pm]
reccomend a book to me...??
1 stopped the nightmare| pull the trigger

[13 Aug 2007|06:51pm]
[ mood | ...sigh ]
[ music | the cure... this is a lie ]

" ok, tell me that you don't want the story to end. tell me that you really feel for me and want to know what i did next. tell me there's a happy ending. tell me that this meant something to you. tell me that you're not laughing right now. please don't be laughing..."

h.r.

pull the trigger

[01 Aug 2007|09:32pm]
[ mood | paranoid ]

"through the earth you can watch me dissapear..."

pull the trigger

consideration... [18 Jul 2007|08:47pm]
[ mood | hm... ]

i'm considering starting a zine with my writing. something small... i've never done it and i'm not sure anyone would be interested in receiving it.

is this a good idea?

i want to pretend people enjoy the things i write...

3 stopped the nightmare| pull the trigger

[15 Jul 2007|03:14pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

“I must tell you that I was always afraid of the fury with which I loved you. It overwhelmed me. I thought it beyond comprehension, therefore my silence.” h.r.

pull the trigger

[11 Jul 2007|11:06pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | goldfinger.... here in your bedroom ]

“When was the last time you wanted to say it all to the right person? To have it all come out right, to surprise yourself at how together you could be. When was the last time you ever met someone who made you want to give it all to them? I mean give yourself to them. Where you couldn't express yourself enough - like you wanted to cut off one of your arms to be understood. That's it - you would cut your head off to have someone understand you. You know how pointless that one is. You know how many times you've smashed yourself to bits on the rocks.” h.r.

pull the trigger

[09 Jul 2007|02:00am]
“Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong, and it makes you feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't come back. You're left so alone that you can't explain.” h.r.
pull the trigger

[04 Jul 2007|08:05pm]
[ mood | hmm... ]
[ music | talk talk... it's my life ]

everything is as it once was.

did you even exist?

7 stopped the nightmare| pull the trigger

[01 Jun 2007|04:57pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

i miss you... i guess that i should...

6 stopped the nightmare| pull the trigger

[25 May 2007|06:32pm]
my heart hurts...
pull the trigger

[06 May 2007|03:19pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

i'm always thinking "Write more"... but really i've got nothing to say...

pull the trigger

"there's a fire forming not too far from here..." [06 May 2007|11:59am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | alkaline trio... queen of pain... ]

there is no reason to go the extra mile when it gets me no where with you. i am lacking reason to continue the disaster of catering to your desires. i will no longer sacrifice what i want.

i am changing gear.

pull the trigger

[05 May 2007|11:54am]
[ mood | sad ]

you are no saving grace...

pull the trigger

[02 May 2007|10:17pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

the names change with the seasons, but they all have the same problems on the line...

pull the trigger

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